Application form dating

: Me You Sex Sex in public places Butt sex The sexual foibles of ex’s The etiquette of group sex What that slut at the next table is wearing How our parents fucked us up beyond all repair How much everyone around us sucks The epistemological and metaphysical implications of superstring theory The epistemological and metaphysical implications of us having sex The Iron Chef Whether or not Scooby Doo is in fact a metaphor for hallucinogenic drug use This web page Flannery O’Connor’s use of symbolism Herman Melville’s use of metaphor Ron Jeremy’s use of irony Lots of different things “Then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy!

And that’s why it was the best summer ever.” I should compliment you by saying: “You have incredible eyes.” “That is the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.” “You are a very cool person.” “Are you gonna finish that?

” “Her face looks like it caught on fire and someone beat it out with a rake.” Do your friends control your love life, you pussy?

“Daddy, I’m scared, too scared to even wet my pants.” What should I wear?

I don’t eat–I’m a smack addict Whatever we find in the dumpster Nothing, I’m already too fat as it is “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” What will we drink?

(we will be drinking…or at least I’ll be drinking): champagne beer liquor fine malt liquor wine wine in a box fine apple wine whatever is cheapest whatever we can steal from homeless people whatever we can make in your bathtub I prefer hard drugs, thank you “They taste like…burning! : The smell of alcohol A few beers A few glasses of wine A six-pack A six-pack of Ripple I can out drink a Wahoo I can out drink an Irish Catholic Ever heard of Motley Crue? “My parent’s won’t let me use scissors.” What will we talk about on our date?

David’s focus for the year is on community needs, particularly support for those who suffer from issues associated with drugs, debt, family and mental and physical health.

David will fundraise for four organisations during the year - Dorchester Youth Club, Keep 106FM, Home Start and MIND.

There has been a history of local government in the town dating back to Anglo Saxon times and Dorchester has been the county town since 1305. The town has a population approaching 20,000, which is growing quickly with the expansion of Dorchester at Poundbury and Brewery Square. I want to hitch my wagon to your star, and this is Step 1.: Whenever When you are available Hey, we’re on my schedule here, Date Boy When your heart stops As soon as I finish gnawing off my left leg When I get over my herpes and pink eye After I suck off a Great Dane How about never? “This is my sandbox, but I’m not allowed to go in the deep end.” How would you rate yourself in terms of your physical attractiveness? ” How would you rate yourself in terms of your intelligence? That’s unpossible.” How would you rate yourself in terms of your emotional maturity and stability? : smile drool start jumping up and down yelling “UH, UH, UH” pretend you’re not Tucker Max feign epilepsy vomit uncontrollably curse the anonymity of the Internet run like a track star run like a crack fiend “I can’t breathe good and it’s making me sleepy.” What will my friends say when they see you? I wish I was him.” “Another tall, hot blonde with no self-esteem–he’s getting laid tonight.” “She’s the hottest thing since nuclear fusion.” “Tonight’s forecast calls for scattered clothes, with a significant chance of intense, passionate humping.” “My Lord–she smells like the fish market.” “Well, she’s too ugly for him to date… says he sleeps with her anyway.” “I wouldn’t call her fat, but he’s gonna need the Jaws of Life to get out of this.” “Oh shit…somebody call 911.” “She’s just an expensive escort.Your name: Your email: Your age: Your sex: Female (This is non-negotiable. D./MD/DMD I go to the Vo-Tech, climb under a car, and sleep all day Jay Truck Driving School what’s edumacation? Your pheromones are too sexy to cover up I don’t like myself, and I’m hoping you’ll treat me like a used-up stripper Everything “You’re deceptive.” When would you like to go out with me? ) The kids at school used to call out “Baaaby Ruuth” when I would walk by No, really, I don’t think you understand: I am UG-LY “Daddy says I’m ‘this close’ to living in the yard! : Cheap flowers Expensive champagne Your A game I like shiny things A unquenchable libido Astroglide A shoehorn Amniotic dysentery A small, hairless Asian boy Your enema bag collection “And I want a bike and a monkey and a friend for the monkey.” What will I do when I see you? : Highest level of education completed/currently working towards: high school diploma high school equivalency (GED) associates degree bachelors degree master’s degree MBA/JD Ph. : Accidentally Yahoo/Google A friend told me An enemy told me You told me about your stupid page I can smell your desperation from here A scorching case of herpes led me here God hates me Blind hogs eventually find acorns “I fell off the jungle gym and woke up in here.” Why are you filling out this form? : Your caustic wit and ambitious verve Your cute face and hot body Your caustic wit and ambitious verve Your constant use of foul, discourteous language The way you show no regard for the feelings of others The way your immense ego blocks out any real emotional depth You make me laugh Your single-minded obsession with all things Tucker I like how you never use deodorant. : My beautiful eyes My sharp wit My compassionate nature My incredible intelligence My huge breasts I have the ass of a 12 year-old girl My cottage cheese thighs My sphincter can break a beer bottle My matted pubic hair My charming autism My colostomy bag My willingness to use sex to get what I want My perfect landing strip “The tar fumes are making me dizzy.” What would you expect me to bring?

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